Despite the widespread belief of most people who think that children are asexual beings and have no sexual desires, the reality is quite the opposite, as demonstrated by psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, by realizing a series of psychosexual stages(oral, anal, pesic, latency and genital),through which every child goes throughout his childhood. The theory of psychosexual development, with its different stages, is the embossing of Freud's idea about his approaches to human sexuality and the functioning of the unconscious, which is why he has received a lot of attention. Sexuality according to Freud For Freud, human sexuality is one of the main aspects of vital energy, which moves human behavior. This vital and sexual energy, which he called lybido, is the source of the impulses that for Freud and causes us to tend towards certain short-term objectives and forces other instances of our psyche (or mind) to suppress these tendencies, so as not to compromise or not to conflict with the environment in which we live. Life energy is expressed through sexuality and is present from the first weeks of our lives (contrary to what you might think), meaning that our sexual instinct is not born in adolescence as thought a few years ago, but from the beginning of childhood. The development of the unconscious One of the central ideas of Freud's psychosexual development theory is that the way the libido manages satisfaction during childhood leaves traces on our unconscious that will be noticed during adult life. If the factors external to a child make him not able to satisfy his sexual tendencies as he would like (for example by the shower of his parents), this distress can result in a fixation (stagnation) in one or more psychosexual stages, which has to do with ideas related to a specific erogenous zone (area of the body where it produces sexual pleasure with its stimulation) , which doesn't necessarily have to be in the genital area. For Freud, both biology and parenting (culture) are involved in psychosexual development. The stages of development and its bindings In his theory of sexual development, Freud proposes that in the early years of our lives, we go through different stages of development, linked to sexuality and different bindings; What happens during these stages will influence how the unconscious conditions the person, once he has reached adulthood, that is, that each stage of psychosexual development would mark the tempos that delimit what kind of actions are necessary to express libido satisfactorily and which can create conflicts that are unconsciously engendered in us. The throbbing phases of psychosexual development How a person behaves will depend on how they have faced the different stages of psychosexual development and the characteristic challenges of each phase. For Freud, lybido is the main type of energy that moves people; the challenges and conflicts of each maturation phase will have a greater or lesser relationship with their way of experiencing sexuality (understood in a very broad sense). According to Freudian theory, the stages of psychosexual development and its characteristics are as follows:
Oral stage
It covers from 0 to 18 months and it includes the first attempts to meet the demands promoted by the law. In it, the mouth is the main area where pleasure is sought. It is also the mouth, one of the main areas of the body when exploring the environment and its elements and this would explain the tendency of the little ones to try to "bite everything". If you prevent babies from using your mouth to satisfy yourself, this could cause a blockage that would cause certain problems to become fixed on the unconscious.
Anal stage
This stage ranges from 18 months to 3 years of age. It is the stage where they begin to control the sphincters in defecation. For Freud, this activity is linked to pleasure and sexuality. The bindings related to this phase of psychosexual development have to do with accumulation and spending, linked to the saving spirit and discipline and to the disorganization and waste of resources. However, according to Freud, these spending and savings dynamics would not express themselves alone or primarily, through money management.
Cyclical stage
This phase ranges from 3 to 6 years and its erogenous zone is that of the genitals. The main pleasant feeling would be that of urinating, but also originating at this stage the beginning of curiosity about the differences between men and women, boys and girls, starting with the obvious differences in the shape of the genitals and ending in interests, ways of being and dressing, etc. Freud related this phase, with the emergence of the"Oedipus complex"in boys and the"Electra complex"in girls. The Oedipus complex is characterized by the child being attracted to the person who exercises the role of mother and is jealous and afraid of the person exercising the role of father. In the Electra complex, the opposite is true (the girl is attracted to the person who exercises the role of father and feels jealousy and fear for those who exercise the role of mother). In short, the Oedipus and Electra complex describe the feelings of love and tenderness that children develop towards parents of the opposite sex and feelings of rivalry towards the same-sex father. Boys tend to imitate their dad and girls to their mother, so they intend to adopt their way of acting and within the same imitation, also comes seduction and the desire to conquer the other father. Male children begin to be attracted to their mother, so they want to get all their attention, let them know that they intend to be with her forever, among other things as if they were a crush. The Electra complex is a concept created by Carl Jung, from the Oedipus complex created by Freud and used it to explain what was going on with girls during their psychosexual development between the age of 3 and 4. It is very common for children in this age range to start saying things to their mother such as: "When I'm big I want to marry you," "nobody loves you more than me," "you're mine," you can also give gifts, drawings, etc., and make comments to the parent challenging him, such as telling him that he's his mom's boyfriend and he's not , that his mother belongs only to him, among other things, so he develops a kind of rivalry and hostility towards the father as he perceives it as a threat. the child intends to have all the attention of his mother and leave his father aside, that is why he can begin to have some hostile behaviors towards him, get angry, do tantrums, try to separate the father when he is close to the mother, etc. demonstrating his jealousy and his need to want exclusivity. As with the Oedipus complex in boys, in girls the exact same thing happens, only their rival is now their mother and the object of desire is their father. Girls at these ages can take certain kinds of behaviors such as constantly getting angry with their mother, throwing tantrums when their father and mother show affection, jealous the father, showing immense joy at seeing their father arrive at the door of the house, wanting to spend all their time with the father and saying things like, "You're my boyfriend." , "I'm going to marry you," "I don't want any more than you," among other things. The fact that feelings of love for one parent and feelings of hostility towards the other parent are generated is because at this stage the children begin to feel identified with the father of the same sex and for this same reason experience feelings of rivalry towards him. The differences between the Oedipus complex and the Electra complex are as follows: Different creator of each complex
The Oedipus complex was created by Sigmund Freud.
The Electra complex was created by Carl Jung.
Change in the erotic object
The Oedipus complex refers to the unconscious sexual desire felt by the male child towards the mother at the stage of psychosexual development. The child wants to grab all the attention of his mother, displacing the father, for whom he feels jealousy and hostility because he perceives him as a rival by also having the love of his mother.
Electra's complex refers to the girl's unconscious sexual desire for her father, that is, the girl has great admiration for her father whom she perceives as a superhero, for whom she feels protected and loved, so she wishes to remain always with him. As with the boy, the girl also experiences jealousy and hostility towards the mother as by identifying with her, she feels that she is her rival and is afraid that she will take away her father's love.
Latency stage
This ranges from 7 years to the onset of puberty (approximately 12 years) and is characterized by not having a specific erogenous zone associated with it, as well as by a freezing of sexuality experimentations by children, partly because of all the punishments and warnings received. For this reason Freud described this phase as a stage in which sexuality is more camouflaged than in previous ones, that is, sexuality remains "asleep". The latency stage has been associated with the appearance of modesty and sexuality-related shame.
Genital stage
This stage ranges from puberty or age 12 to adolescence. It is related to the physical changes that accompany the adolescence stage. At this stage of psychosexual development, sexual desire becomes so intense that it cannot be repressed as effectively as in previous stages. The erogenous zone related to this vital moment is again that of the genitalia, but unlike in the tillic stage, the skills necessary to express sexuality through links of union of a more abstract and symbolic character have now been developed, which have to do with consensus and attachment with others. It is the birth of adult sexuality, as opposed to another linked only to simple instant gratifications obtained through stereotypical activities. Child hypersexuality Child hypersexuality can be defined as the acquisition of childhood sexual behaviors that are learned and are not in line with the time or stage in which the child is located, that is, they are not in line with his age. Child sexuality is a fact as demonstrated by previous sections of the psychosexual developmental stages in children. Examples of this is curiosity that leads them to ask questions, to play with peers, etc. and this is considered as normal. Already from a young time children begin to explore their bodies touching, biting, stretching and rubbing different parts, including the genitals. As children get older, they will need guidance to learn about these parts of the body and their functions. Often one of the conversations parents forget to talk to their children is about their sexual development. What's normal? The pediatric community determines a number of normal and common sexual behaviors in children between the age of 2 and 6. However, when these behaviors occur, it is convenient to redirect them to a more appropriate way, saying something like, "Adults do this in private and so should you." It is also necessary to reinforce the fact that children respect each other and insist that it is not ok to touch the intimate parts of anyone, as well as make it clear that they always tell you or another trusted adult, if someone touches their intimate parts. Common sexual behaviors in children under 4 years of age:
Explore and touch private parts, in public and in private.
Rub private parts (with hand or against objects)
Show private parts to others
Trying to touch the breasts of the mother or other women
Taking off your clothes and wanting to be naked
Try to look when other people are naked or undressing (for example when they are in the bathroom)
Ask questions about your body (and other people's bodies) and body functions
Talk to other children of the same age about bodily functions like "poop" and "pipí".
Common sexual behaviors in children between the age of 4 and 6
Touching the private parts on purpose (masturbation), occasionally in the presence of other
Trying to look at other people when they're naked or undressing
Mimic partner behaviors (such as kissing or taking hands)
Talk about private parts and use "bad" words, even if they don't understand their meaning
Explore private parts with other children of the same age (e.g. "play doctor", "I'll show you mine if you show me yours," etc.)
Common sexual behaviors in school-age children (ages 7-12)
Touching private parts on purpose (masturbation), usually in private
Play games with children of the same age that involve sexual behavior (such as "truth or consequence," "playing family," or "boyfriend/girlfriend")
Trying to look at other people when they're naked or undressing
Look at photos of naked or semi-naked people
View/listen to sexual content material through the media (TV, movies, games, Internet, music, etc.)
Want more privacy (e.g. refusing to undress in front of others) and resist talking to adults about sexual issues
Start feeling sexual attraction and interest in other children your age
Although parents often worry when a child shows sexual behaviors such as touching another child's private parts, these behaviors can be common during children's development. Almost all sex games are an expression of children's natural curiosity and should not be a cause for concern or alarm. In general, "typical" childhood sexual exploration and play can:
Occur among children who usually play together and who know each other well
Occur among children of the same age and size
Being spontaneous and unplanned
Don't happen often
Volunteer (children accessed the behavior, none of the children involved seem uncomfortable or disturbed)
Be easy to re-direct when parents ask children to stop behavior and explain privacy rules to them.
Peculiar or not-so-normal behaviors Parents also need to distinguish when a child's sexual behavior seems more than just harmless curiosity. Sexual behavioral problems can pose a risk to the safety and well-being of children or other children and may lead to physical or sexual abuse or exposure to sexual activity. Sexual behavioral problems include any act that:
Occurs frequently and cannot be redirected
Cause emotional or physical pain or injury to themselves or others
Associated with physical aggression
Involve coercion or strength
Simulate acts
Some childhood sexual behaviors indicate more than just curiosity and are considered problems of sexual behavior. Sexual behavior problems can jeopardize the safety and well-being of your child and other children. Problems with sexual behavior include any act that:
It is clearly beyond the child's level of development (for example, a three-year-old who tries to kiss an adult's genitalia)
Includes threats, struggle or aggression
It includes children with a variety of ages or abilities (e.g. a twelve-year-old "playing doctor" with a child of four).
It produces strong emotional reactions in the child, such as anger (courage, anger) or anxiety.
Tips for parents When talking to children about sexual issues, it's important to keep a calm and consistent tone of voice and as far as possible ask open questions that can help your child have the confidence to talk to you about this topic. So the children can tell you what happened, in their own words, instead of just answering yes or no. In this case, the parent may ask each child:
What were you doing?
Where'd you get the idea?
How did you learn this?
How did it feel to do it?
Parents should start educating their children about body safety between the ages of 3 and 5. Some tips: 1. Use the right language Teach children the names of all body parts, including names such as genitalia, penis, vagina, breasts, buttocks, etc. Maquillar the names of the body parts can give the idea that there is something wrong about the proper name. Also, teach children which parts are intimate (parts covered by a swimsuit). 2. Assess the family's respect for intimacy and modesty While modesty is not a concept that most young children can understand, it is desirable to lay the groundwork for future discussions and model good behavior. If you have children of different ages, it is important to teach younger children to respect the privacy and privacy of older siblings. 3. Don't force them to give hugs or kisses to people they don't want It's your right to say, even Grandma or Grandpa, that you don't want to give them a kiss or a hug. Improper touching, especially from a trusted adult, can be very confusing for a child. You have to constantly reinforce the idea that your body is your own and can protect it. It's very important that your child can tell you or another trusted adult if they've been touched. In this way, your child knows that it is also your job to protect them. 4. Good Vs Bad Touches He explains that there are good touches that people show that they take care of and help each other (hugging, holding hands, changing a baby's diaper) and there are bad touches when the child doesn't like them and wants it to stop immediately. Reassure your kids by telling them that most of the touches they'll get are good, but they'll have to say "NO" and tell you any confusing touching. 5. Offer your children a solid rule Show them that it's NOT OKAY for anyone to look at or touch their private parts or what's covered by their swimsuit. It's easier for a child to follow a rule to more easily identify "bad touching." 6. Media exposure control Learn about video game, movie and TV rating systems and make use of parental controls available through many Internet, cable and satellite providers. Providing suitable alternatives is an important part of avoiding exposure to sexual content in the media. Keep in mind that children may see adult sexual behaviors in person or on screens and not report that this has occurred. 7. Check this information regularly with your children Some good times to talk to your children about personal safety are during bathing, bedtime and before any new situation. From sports practices in dance classes, not to mention camps and after-school programs, children meet and interact with many adults and children daily. 8. Wait for questions Your child's questions and appropriate answers will depend on the child's age and ability to understand. The following two tips can facilitate good communication: not laughing or reacting with rage. Your child shouldn't be embarrassed by his curiosity. Be brief. Don't make a long explanation. It is better to respond in simple terms. If you're currently having any of these or additional problems, talk to your child's pediatrician. He or she can help distinguish age-appropriate sexual behaviors and sexual behaviors that are not appropriate or potentially indicate abuse. Educating children on sexual issues Just because a behavior is typical doesn't mean it needs to be ignored. Often, when children engage in sexual behaviors, this indicates that they need to learn something. Show the child what he or she needs to know considering the particular situation. In this case, for example, the parent can teach children that it is OK to be curious about other people's bodies, but that private parts should be kept private, even with friends. Although children generally respond well when parents give the time to give them the right information and answer their questions, it is important to provide them with information appropriate for their age and level of development. In Table 2, you will find an overview of the most important information and messages to keep children of different ages safe. Keep in mind that you don't need to bombard the child with all the information at the same time. Let the situation – and children's questions – guide the lessons you will share. The important thing is that the children know that you are ready to listen and answer any questions they may have. Children often get most of their sex education from other children and from the media such as TV shows, songs, movies and video games. This information is often not only incorrect but can have very little relation to the values that parents want to pass on to their children. Sometimes, during the "family hours" of television, explicit adult sexual activities are presented in television shows, advertisements and in children's cartoons or television channels. And these can influence children's behavior. An important part of teaching children about sexual issues is controlling that they are not as exposed to the media and offering them appropriate alternatives. Learn about the censorship system for video games, movies and TV shows and use the parental control programs available through many of the Internet, cable and television providers. However, don't assume that everything is resolved just by activating those controls. It's very important that you keep an eye out for what your kids are watching on TV and the Internet, and give yourself the time to watch TV and the internet with them. When appropriate, you can use this opportunity to discuss sexual issues or intimate relationships, and help your children develop the skills needed to make healthy choices about their emotional relationships and sexual behavior. What and when to teach Preschoolers (under 4 years old) Basic Information
Boys and girls are different
Correct names for children's body parts.
Babies come from moms
Rules about personal boundaries (e.g. keeping private parts covered, not touching other children's private parts)
Give simple answers to all questions about the body and bodily functions
Information To Keep Security
The difference between "appropriate/well" caresses (caresses that are comforting, pleasant and welcome) and "not appropriate/not well" caresses (which are invasive, uncomfortable, unwanted, or painful)
Your body is yours, it belongs to you
We all have the right to say "no" to be touched or caressed, even by adults
No one: child or adult, has the right to touch your private parts
It's okay to say "no" when adults ask you to do things that are wrong, such as touching your private parts or keeping mom or dad's secrets.
There is a difference between a "surprise"-which is something that will soon be revealed, like a gift- and a "secret", which is something you should supposedly never say. Emphasize that it's never right to keep mom and dad secrets
Which people you can tell if someone did something to you that 'isn't appropriate/not right' or they asked you to do something that's not right.
Toddlers (approximately 4-6 years) Basic Information
Children's bodies change as the years go by
Simple explanations about how babies grow inside the mothers' womb and about the birth process
Rules about personal boundaries (such as keeping private parts covered, not touching other children's private parts)
Give simple answers to all questions about the body and bodily functions
You may feel a nice feeling when you touch the private parts but it's something you should do in private.
Information To Keep Security
Sexual abuse is when someone touches you in private parts or asks you to touch it in their private parts
It's sexual abuse even if it's someone you know.
Sexual abuse is NEVER the child's fault.
If an unknown person tries to get you to go with him or her, run and tell one of your parents, your teacher, neighbor, a police officer, or another adult person you trust
Which people you can tell if someone did something to you that 'isn't appropriate/not right' or someone asked you to do it to him or her.
School-Age Children (Approximately 7-12 years) Basic Information
What to expect and how to deal with changes in puberty (including menstruation and wet dreams)
Basic information about reproduction, pregnancy and childbirth
Risks associated with sexual activity (pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases)
Basic information on contraception
Masturbation is common and not associated with long-term problems but should be done privately
Information To Keep Security
Sexual abuse may or may not include touching (caresses, groping, etc.)
How to maintain security and personal limits when chatting with or meeting people online
How to recognize and avoid risks in social situations
Rules when they have a girlfriend or boyfriend or when they go on dates.
If you're not sure how to talk to your child about sexual issues, don't be afraid to inform yourself and do some research. You can talk to a pediatrician or doctor, you can find resources on the Internet. There are also many great books about how to talk to children about sexual issues, as well as books you and your child can read together. Parents play a key role in helping their children develop healthy attitudes and behaviors toward sexuality. While talking about sex with your kids may be something that makes you uncomfortable, there are many resources available to help you get started and continue conversations about sexuality with them. As children progress through childhood stages, providing close supervision, as well as clear and positive messages about recato and boundaries, is crucial. You can encourage your children's healthy development and growth by talking openly with them about relationships, intimacy, and sexuality.
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