Death is one of the most painful and sad moments a person has to go through and it is a situation that we must face sooner or later. The most natural reaction to losing someone you love is that of deep sadness, where the feeling that something has changed within you and the awareness that that person is gone forever prevails. The pain you feel varies in intensity, duration, and how you manifest yourself from person to person. The word duel comes from the Latin "dolus" meaning pain. For psychology, bereavement is the process of emotional adaptation that follows any loss (not only to death), how it also happens in the face of a separation, a dismissal, when leaving the native country, ...) . In addition to the emotional aspect, bereavement also has a physical, cognitive, philosophical and behavioral dimension. In itself, bereavement is a normal process that has an adaptive function (help us assimilate a loss and learn to live without the person who is gone). The duel has 5 characteristic phases:
Denial: denying yourself or the environment, that the loss has occurred.
Anger or anger: a state of discontent at not being able to avoid loss. Causal reasons and guilt are sought.
Negotiation:an attempt is made to find a solution to the loss despite knowing the impossibility of it happening. Negotiate with yourself or with the environment, understanding the pros and cons of loss.
Depression or emotional pain : sadness is experienced from loss. Depressive episodes can happen that should give way over time.
Acceptance. It is assumed that loss is inevitable. It represents a change of view of the situation without the loss; always bearing in mind that it is not the same to accept as to forget.
Not all stages are always met and do not necessarily occur in the order indicated. The duel usually lasts between 6 months and a year (sometimes it can last two years if the loss is very significant), when it comes to the loss of a loved one very close, although the grieving process is very variable and really depends on each person and their circumstances. If symptoms do not decrease or disappear after this period of time and cause problems in daily life, it is very important to see a health care professional (psychiatrist and/or psychologist), since it can be a chronic depression,which results in a pathological duel. Pathological grief Most people don't need help crafting their duel. The problem arises when someone feels they can't get on with their life without loss interfering. At the beginning of the grieving process it is normal for this to happen, but if it is maintained over time, it can lead to a pathological duel, complicated or unresolved, which is defined as the intensification of grief to the level at which the person feels overwhelmed and resorts to misconduct or remains in this state without advancing in the process of bereavement towards his resolution. Determinants that influence the development of grief Some of the determinants that influence the elaboration of grief in the event of death are as follows:
The kind of affective relationship with the deceased
Duration of fatal disease and agony (if applicable)
Degree of kinship
Character of death
Appearance of the corpse
Degree of dependence
Survivor's gender
Having social support or not
Religious or philosophical or spiritual ideas
Presence or not of other mourning experiences
To this we must add the cultural and social factor, which can make the elaboration of grief differ greatly, although the type of bond and attachment that the survivor had with the deceased is still fundamental. Another factor to consider is the presence of third parties who are affected by loss (solidarityduel).). Types of bereavement Bereavement is not a disease, although it can become so if it is not done properly. Here's what you'll talk about:
Delayed bereavement: Characteristic symptoms appear months or even years after the death of the loved one. Sometimes it happens when the suffering is too intense or when conditions force the person to stay strong and delay their pain.
Exaggeratedbereavement : the symptoms are excessive and practically prevent the person from living a normal life.
Chronic grief: Symptoms persist for years and one of the highlights is that the person experiences the feeling of being incomplete.
Masked bereavement: problems such as drug, drug or alcohol abuse occur and the person is unable to recognize that they have to do with the loss suffered.
Coronavirus and COVID-19 There are several types of coronavirus, which are an extensive family of viruses that can cause diseases in animals and humans. In humans, several coronaviruses cause respiratory infections that can range from the common cold to more serious diseases such as Middle East Respiratory Syndrome (MERS) and Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS). The most recently discovered coronavirus is COVID-19. Both this new virus and the disease it causes were unknown before the outbreak erupt in Wuhan, China, in December 2019. Currently COVID-19 is a pandemic affecting many countries around the world. The most common symptoms of COVID-19 are fever, dry cough and tiredness. Other less common symptoms include pain and discomfort, nasal congestion, headache, conjunctivitis, sore throat, diarrhea, loss of taste or smell, and rashes or color changes in the fingers or toes. These symptoms are usually mild and begin gradually. Some of the infected people only have very high symptoms. Most people (80%) recovers from the disease without hospital treatment. About 1 in 5 people who contract COVID-19 end up presenting a severe picture and experience shortness of breath. Older people and those with previous medical conditions (such as high blood pressure, heart or lung problems, diabetes, or cancer are more likely to have severe conditions). However, anyone can get COVID-19 and fall seriously ill. People of any age who have a fever or cough and also breathe with difficulty, feel chest pain or oppression, or have difficulty speaking or moving should seek medical attention immediately. The tragic reality is presenting us with a multitude of people infected all over the world and thousands of people are dying. In this epidemic, an unexpected situation arises: it is not possible to say goodbye to the relative seriously ill with COVID, the usual expressions of closeness are impossible and ideas of guilt remain, there is a lack of physical displays of support, etc. Duel in times of coronavirus Grief, as a process of adaptation, involves a ritual to fire the person who dies, who is no longer there. During this mourning ritual, we embrace and kiss our loved ones, just as we are close to the person we have lost, where we watch over them, see them (and perhaps touch her for the last time). In cases of COVID, the restrictions are severe: attendance is not allowed and most likely you could not have been given a traditional farewell or as you would have liked and our family and friends die in the distance, without being able to give a kiss, one last look or one last hug. Still, performances can be performed to honor or fire your loved one: it is possible to read a letter, include an object in the coffin, put your favorite song for example, and broadcast it by video or call. They will be actions of symbolic and emotional burden, which allow to connect with emotions and pain, while helping to integrate what happened. Restricting the attendance of people, without opening the coffin, without physical contact with loved ones, without human warmth, not being able to embrace, not being able to greet the ones, not having expressions of affection, where emotions for loss, become inhumane, but are measures that cannot be lacking given the situation. The arrangements are carried out in solitude: collecting the belongings of the family member, not being able to go or having to attend the cemetery separately in a quick process, all this contributes to the beginning of a complicated duel and without being able to make a good closure with our loved ones. In these circumstances, it is normal to be blocked by the type's guilt: "I should have done or said something else" or felt the rage ("damn government, they didn't do everything necessary in the hospital") or a deep sadness ("I'm never going to stop suffering"), that prevents us from moving forward in the rethinking of life without the loved one. Therefore, inthese cases we may develop a pathological duel. What to do in these grieving cases:
You have to look for moments to perform farewell rituals. Have spaces to talk about the deceased person, remember them and share experiences, observe photos, remember shared activities, etc. (i.e., generate support among the family). The family nucleus won't be able to get together, but it will be able to talk on the phone.
You can prepare a virtual meeting via Skype or WhatsApp and arrange a farewell, even if you can't be together.
Agree on an hour and pay homage to that person by counting anecdotes,writing on social media or, for example, lighting candles at the same time. You can create a group or make a page for that person and have each member write down how they feel, take pictures, and share their feelings. If you don't feel strong enough to share the loss together, you can do it more intimately or on your own. Write a poem, diary, or letter telling how you feel or what you'd say to that person. You can also draw pictures if you don't get the words. Do it the way that makes you feel best.
Write about the bond you had with the person who is no longer here and how we want you to remain present in our lives, what our feelings and emotions are, or what I need. We have to assume that "we are isolated but not alone."
It is important to include people with functional diversity and children in these rituals,explaining in a clear and natural way the situation, esing the age and abilities of each and how they can participate.
Create a space in some room for remembrance. Choose a photo, decorate it however you like, with candles or flowers or even with objects from that person. Every time you need it, go to that corner and express yourself. Tell him what your life will be like from this moment on, remind him what things you liked and say goodbye if you need it.
In the last stage of grief (acceptance) you say goodbye to the deceased person by repositioning him in your life, in a new place, with awareness that he is not.
Do not resort to drugs (if not much needed) that limit the elaboration of bereavement. Do not abuse medication or alcohol to mitigate pain. If you feel overwhelmed, it is better to turn to a telematically available professional to accompany you in your process.
It is important to remember the person you lost, as it is present and give value to what he taught and transmitted, as well as what you came to live with that person in life, without feeling guilt for not being able to accompany them to the end, since you have done your best.
It must be remembered that grief has two parts to be able to move forward: the emotional work of gradually accepting and continuing to work on a day-to-day life; it is recommended to be distracted by sadness, looking for different activities (from time to time), accepting sadness.
Group events must be postponed to all this happening, but there may be more initiatives. When this health crisis passes, it may be appropriate to do a special act as a pending farewell, and the close environment will coincide. Or maybe it's not timely anymore.
Don't forget self-care
Try to take care of your diet and rest times. Try to keep your schedules and listen to your body, if you need to slow down, do it, let yourself recover, but don't give up.
Practice exercise, look for an occupation such as cooking, reading, meditating and taking advantage of some ray of sunshine on the balcony or window.
Seek help managing your emotions, whether within family and friends or with professional bereavement psychologists. Also of great help can be the telephone lines provided by the state (health center, red cross, police, etc.).
Avoid overloading yourself with information that "contaminates you," look for activities that relax you,don't make very important decisions, and don't push yourself too hard.
In conclusion, bereavement as a normal process does not in the first instance need psychological intervention (as long as the affected person has adequate resources, both internal and external, to deal with the loss of the loved one). In cases where it is difficult to overcome the mourning, it can become a problem (pathological duel). If this happens or before it happens, you should see a mental health professional (psychologist or psychiatrist) for directions.
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