The emotional withdrawal syndrome is the pain that is suffered or felt, after a love breakup.
After a love breakup and especially in the first days and weeks after the breakup or goodbye, we can experience very intense feelings that can affect our ability to be objective and rational. Pain, sadness, anguish, the inability to concentrate and the desire to contact our ex-partner can lead us to situations of vulnerability, in which it is possible to get carried away by impulses or outbursts that we may regret later.
Ending a relationship and letting go of the person we love so much is complicated and even though we are clear that we have done the right thing by moving away, there may be moments when we feel weak and let our emotions dominate us.
Letting go of an affective bond is not easy, in fact the psychological suffering that is experienced for it is usually devastating for our brain. This process (which also implies a grieving process, which is the psychological process that manifests itself in the face of a loss, whether real or imagined, whether physical, as happens with death or emotional, as in a love breakup), is very similar to the withdrawal syndrome suffered by addicts, where a neurochemical chaos prevails from which it is not easy to get rid of. In falling in love, the same brain regions are activated as in drug use, leading some individuals to experience emotional or love withdrawal syndrome when they have to break up with their partner. This not only causes psychological pain but can also lead to physical symptoms.
A very clear example of the emotional withdrawal syndrome are adolescents, when they first suffer a breakup, the pain of distance or the disappointment of a rejection. When we are adults, we know it very well when we experience infidelity, when love expires or when we simply become aware that it is necessary to end a relationship without a future or excessively painful.
Letting go when you still love, hurts (and hurts a lot). It is very difficult to have to get used to the absence of the other, to assume a definitive end and to assume the obligation to rebuild our life without that person, it is something for which we are not prepared. However, we do it because we have to and to achieve it, it provides us with internal strengths and adequate psychological resources.
However, the real problem appears when someone, far from turning the page, falls into the circle of obsession and into an emotional vicious circle, where the need to contact the person you like, love or love prevails, losing the dignity at the cost of begging for attention and affection, of crying out for an impossible and expired love. This is a person characterized by an affective dependence, where the emotional withdrawal syndrome immerses that person in question, in a state of absolute vulnerability and extreme suffering.
The emotional withdrawal syndrome is synonymous with the inability to say goodbye to the other. It is characterized by the obsession to resume the relationship that has already ended. It produces emotional discomfort and this, in turn, can influence personal, family, and work life, among others.
Chemistry in the brain of the lover
Anyone who has fallen in love knows that it is one of the best experiences we can have. However, the other side of the coin exists and is heartbreak, a situation that nobody wants to suffer and it is a difficult situation to overcome, which can lead to an existential crisis if we do not know how to manage it correctly.
Heartbreak leads us to live really painful moments, because the brain chemistry of the lover can make us feel addicted by our ex, directing all our senses towards that person and making our day to day become an attempt to get ahead and recover our well-being even though we want to melt into the arms of our special someone.
The chemistry of love can make us live in a cloud, but when we do not have the possibility of being with the person we want we can feel the "monkey" (or withdrawal syndrome), as if it were a drug.
When we fall in love, our brain secretes substances such as serotonin (related to happiness), endorphins (hormones associated with the sensation of pleasure), adrenaline (makes us feel energetic) and dopamine, which play an important role in human survival. , by causing the repetition of those behaviors that are key to the survival of the species. For example, food or sex, but it is also involved in addictive behaviors, such as drug use or gambling. When love is broken, just like when someone stops drugs, side effects such as depressive or obsessive behaviors and even withdrawal syndrome can appear. Generally, this syndrome (either emotional or due to drug abuse), causes psychological and physical symptoms, because it affects our nervous system.
Symptoms of emotional withdrawal syndrome
The emotional withdrawal syndrome appears when we must stop seeing the person we are in love with, either by our own will or by someone else and in those situations in which there may be conflicts, such as toxic relationships, infidelities, etc., its symptoms can increase.
Fortunately, some people are aware that these symptoms are temporary and that, over time, it is possible to regain emotional balance once neural circuits weaken. However, other people are unable to cope with emotional pain, have low self-esteem or do not have the necessary tools to overcome this stage. As a consequence, they become hooked on the partner and are unable to overcome the addiction. It is in these cases, where it is necessary to go to psychological therapy.
The symptoms that a person with emotional withdrawal syndrome experiences are:
Psychological symptoms:
Anguish and anxiety
Sadness and melancholy
Desires to be with the loved one, to call and contact them
Lightheadedness and lack of concentration
Insomnia
Loss of appetite
Obsessive thoughts
Feeling of detachment from life
Inability to enjoy daily activities
Physical symptoms
Dizziness
Sickness
Headaches
Chest tightness
Vomiting
The duration of the withdrawal syndrome varies from one person to another and in many cases, it can be a brief experience that disappears as the situation is accepted. However, as heartbreak is not a linear process, it may happen that the affected person experiences this syndrome frequently, because they are unable to cope with the situation or because they continue to have contact with the person they love despite the breakup.
Characteristics of the emotional withdrawal syndrome
When we leave an emotional relationship, we can all experience emotional withdrawal syndrome. However, this is only one part of grief, a stage that should motivate us to implement smart and useful coping strategies; a series of resources that will allow us to pave the way to maturely overcome this rupture.
This psychological condition, marked by stagnation and persistent suffering, is common in people with low self-esteem and who are characterized by high emotional dependence on their partner. Another characteristic aspect of the emotional withdrawal syndrome is the lack of conviction about the end of the relationship. There is a clear denial.
Anxious and obsessive behavior is another key: they are unable to fulfill “zero contact and will always find an excuse to search, contact, call their ex-partner. In addition, dependents are unable to tolerate emotional pain (they lack the tools to manage it, they feel paralyzed, and they react to suffering by seeking more opportunities).
We cannot forget all the complex, intense and exhausting symptoms that clearly affect the health of the person: insomnia, loss of appetite, concentration problems, lack of interest in life, discouragement, etc.
Who is most at risk for it?
People who are in a toxic or troubled relationship. The bonds of affective dependence generate emotional abstinence in the separation, leaving the person in a state of absolute vulnerability and extreme suffering.
People with low self-esteem; Due to their tendency to harbor negative thoughts, people with low self-esteem find it difficult to overcome the symptoms of emotional withdrawal characteristic of the first stage of separation grief.
What to do to overcome emotional withdrawal syndrome?
Suffering from emotional withdrawal syndrome (within certain intensity and duration parameters) is normal. However, it is necessary to assume that it is transitory, a state that must pass to give way to a more balanced, focused and strong state.
In this stage, we will accept negative emotions such as sadness, desolation, bewilderment, states that sooner or later must pass to favor acceptance and improvement.
Throughout this process, we will not leave aside aspects as valuable as our self-esteem, our dignity, our values or vital purposes. An emotional break should never be seen as the end of the world, but rather as the end of a stage and the forced beginning of something that will undoubtedly bring us good things and a stronger, even more beautiful version of ourselves.
Steps to overcome emotional withdrawal syndrome 1. Recognize the symptoms and know that it is transitory
The emotional withdrawal syndrome peaks shortly after the breakup (the first month is usually the hardest), but over time it can be overcome. Therefore, it is important to recognize that one is going through this phase of heartbreak (which is transitory) in order to try to control this very real and painful physical and emotional experience.
2. Contact 0
When one is in the situation of leaving a relationship, continuing to have contact with the partner (with the illusion that things could be fixed) is counterproductive. The only thing that makes it clear is that there is emotional dependence and the suffering lengthens if the true intention is to be happy again and regain well-being after a relationship that has not worked.
For this reason, psychologists recommend 0 contact, that is, "all or nothing", because, as with drug addiction, seeing the loved one and having contact with them favors relapses. If we follow the logic of Classical Conditioning, exposure to the loved one reactivates the neural circuit that is involved in falling in love, so if we want to weaken it and regain emotional stability, we must be strong and break any type of contact with the person .
In addition, if the feeling is very intense, it is even recommended to avoid contact through social networks, because these cause some phenomena such as the FOMO Syndrome (it is a psychological pathology described as "a generalized apprehension that others could be having gratifying experiences of which one is absent ") that increase obsession and suffering after a breakup.
3. Distract yourself
One of the big mistakes that can be made in this phase is to give free rein to obsession and intrusive thoughts, which are usually common: memories and memories appear again and again in our mind. That is why it is important to look for activities that force us to be distracted. Spending time with friends, studying, or going to the gym works very well.
4. Fight for your own personal development
When we leave it with our partner, the cost to our self-esteem is high. Therefore, we must connect with ourselves and do those things that we like. Things that make us grow as people and with which we enjoy. Maybe study that master's degree that motivates us so much or sign up for dance classes. You know what really makes you happy and makes your life full.
5. Make changes
Making changes in our life is rewarding. Something as simple as making new friends or looking for other hobbies will be of great help to “free the mind”, to break the cycle of obsession.
It's time to get up and start deciding for ourselves. Emotional dependence is nothing more than a symptom of insecurity and inner unhappiness, therefore, it will be important to be happy “from within”, so that we will not become attached to people, situations or material elements. We will be self-sufficient and we will enjoy emotional freedom.
6. Social relations
When you are in a relationship built from emotional dependence, it is quite common to put aside social life. So after the breakup is the best time to return to old friends or meet new people.
7. Reminder of the reasons for the breakup
When we go through the withdrawal syndrome, the memory suffers a kind of amnesia for bad times. Having a list that helps us remember the reasons for the breakup and its purposes: recovering our identity, gaining autonomy, increasing self-esteem, etc., can be a good idea.
8. Deidealization
Another of the traps of the emotional withdrawal syndrome is to idealize the lost person by applying a "mental filter" that strips them of their most negative or harmful characteristics. Thus, we end up yearning for an unreal image and it is necessary to keep in mind facts that show that the past was not so wonderful.
9. Emergency plan
We must be prepared not to succumb to the impulse to reconnect with that person, and have an alternative for that moment, such as, for example, calling someone with whom you can meet or doing an interesting activity that takes your attention away from the call.
Remember that "loving is not suffering" and that when love squeezes too much, it is not our size.
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